Each other needs essentially needs, without controlling or intruding.
It would be nice if the groups of separately living close relatives adopted the principle of communicating vessels. If a person has more opportunities and means, including financial resources, then the help is directed to the person who now needs it. Without control The situation has changed - the direction of welfare has changed. Need help with your grandchildren - come and do diapers. There was a stroke at the grandfather - yudroshie grandsons help the grandmother to look after it to a tomb. So that's it - it's humanly. There are nowhere so prescribed moral standards. But in the Russian people - they are in moral behavior. And in the "enlightened" West fashionably storing old people in homes for the elderly. But if the old man and the old woman brought a cake and a pacifier in the past, they will bring a cake. .. and a pacifier. And then, too, do not blame me. Dda. .. kindness should be mutual, but after all those who are older are guilty, those who did not set an example. .. Do not. .. Do not bring to such that they left you in old age. .. The old man must die in his bed,at home, and not in a state house. Remember, we said that a child should be born in his home, and not in a state house.
I want to say in a separate line about the family roles of grandparents. I adore the Russian language, but I prefer that the word "grandmother" in German sounds less like "grandmother" than us, but more significantly or even more majestically - GROSSMUTTER( big mom).
Grandchildren for them is a repetition of parenthood. They, wise with worldly experience, let them help, if they are trusted, or even replaced under special conditions for the time of their parents. Nno is not a substitute for them. It is necessary that the elder parents coordinate their pedagogical actions with their parents. And parents, too, in order not to exercise parental arbitrariness, but would agree with universal pedagogy, with Ushinskim TolstoyMakarenkoCorchak Sukhomlinsky. .. Ane with the "pedagogy" of Americanized "new Russians", which urges to press, push, trample. ..
At least, we can agree toolder parents( Grossmutter and Grossfater) read to their grandchildren "Black Chicken" and "White Poodle".And do not, they, "Gross", compete with the parents themselves, rinsing the baby, and even more so do not * discredit them in the eyes of their children.
A fifty-five year old grandmother comes to my office for consultation. What to do with the daughter-in-law, half-educated: she threw the pedagogical institute in the third year, does with the children, what, I do not have strength, I, the chemistry professor at her institute, do not listen?. . Grandmother treated me very much in relation to me, then her ageso authoritarian:
- Well, what are you saying, Arkady Petrovich. .. You support debauchery. ..
And debauchery, in her opinion, was that the nevestkamama together with her child was engaged in pouring cold;water. So in the bath they were both without clothes, well, that is, with) all without. ..
Well, that's it. If the issue is not about torturing a child with beatings, for a Grossmutter it is better to accept the situation and just help the mother. .. Otherwise, generally you will remain alone in old age with your socially-voiced and unacceptable demands. But this is not the only reason. Parents - a priority in the methods of education, in value orientations. Dadadad, my dear peers. Parents are they, and you, though a Grossmutter,;but not a mutter for the granddaughter.
And such a struggle for power in the family between the generations does not lead to anything good. Another grandmother, not a professor, but simply an accountant, brought the matter to the point that the guys left for Yemen. And she did not see her grandson any more. Until then, no reply to the letters I had to compose with my grandmother, came a conciliatory response from Yemen. Consultative work, the work of an intermediary, on the reconciliation of parents and the "gross" parents leads to positive results, but this is an expensive business.
Of course, the older generation should not forget their milk, dost. But also inadequately young - also bad taste. When a young woman does not wear shoes that simply can not keep her balance, it all looks ridiculous, like Bernardo Strozzi's "Old Coquette."And many "complex": passed the youth. Also try to be young. It's stupid."Blessed is he who was young with a young man. Blessed is the one who has matured in time. "And "every weather is a grace."To these, already recognized, arguments that old age is not only not bad, but it's good, I'll add one more: